


My Condolences

by winterironspiderling



Series: WinterSpider Ficlet Series 2020 [6]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Dark Crack, Funeral Crashing, I say crack because who I am as a person makes everything turn to crack, M/M, Wakes & Funerals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-07
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:27:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22594015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winterironspiderling/pseuds/winterironspiderling
Summary: Day Six of WFFC//Bucky and Peter are both funeral crashers. Bucky has a little more experience with it since he's been doing it for over a decade. Peter still holds his own.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Peter Parker
Series: WinterSpider Ficlet Series 2020 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1619971
Comments: 6
Kudos: 90
Collections: Winterspider February Ficlet Challenge 2020





	My Condolences

**Author's Note:**

> This is such a unique prompt. I just had to try my hand at it.

Peter gets the idea from the Wedding Crashers movie. Attend a funeral, meet grieving people, and take advantage of their sorrow for favours. Most of the time, the favours involve sex. He's been to more than enough funerals in his personal life, so he knows the scene. Maybe it's a cathartic way to deal with his own grief, maybe he's just twisted. He doesn't care. It's fun.

When he walks into the fancy hall where the post-funeral luncheon is being held, he scans the room for the best spot. Close to the immediate family's table. The best target for any crasher this time is the obviously closeted husband left widowed by his wife's death. It would be easy as pie.

"Hi." A solemn voice greets him.

Peter groans internally. If he has to deal with a clinger, he'll never get to his target.

Peter wrinkles his forehead and lowers his eyes before he turns to face the man who has just sat beside him. He can't be mad at the man when he sees his face. _Handsome._

"Were you close?" Peter asks delicately, trying to keep the sarcasm out of his voice.

The man just rolls his eyes, "Amateur."

"Excuse me?" Peter's eyes fly to meet the man's.

"I got dibs on the husband. Beat it, twerp."

"Fuck you," Peter says. "I saw him first."

"I'll out you to everyone."

"No you won't."

"Wanna bet?"

"Don't have to."

"Why?"

Peter scoffs, "You're not a twink. You have no business going for the husband. Go for the cousin, there. See?"

The man doesn't bother looking. "No. I'm not taking scraps."

"How do you even know me?" Peter demands. "Who are you?"

"I'm James, and it's written all over your face. Plus I saw you at the last two funerals I went to. You're not bouncing around enough."

"Oh please. I don't need advice from you."

"You mean you didn't see me once while you were making your rounds?" James tisks. "You have to keep an eye out for repeats."

Peter sighs. "Fine, you're right. I'll back off this one."

"Good," James comments. 

"Make you a deal, though," Peter raises his eyebrows. "We both skip this one... leave the husband and cousin behind."

"What's in it for me?"

"You can fuck me...obviously."

James smirks. "I can work with that."

"And, maybe you can give me some advice...we can tag team the next one."

"I don't know," James deliberates. "Sounds like you're getting more out of this than me."

"You've never seen me naked."

"A fair point... Okay, fine. You're on, twerp."

"Asshole."

James puts a hand on the small of Peter's back and leads them outside. "Don't push it," he whispers right into Peter's ear.

Peter tries to contain his smile, although it's far from easy-- James has no idea that he's been eyeing him for over a year.

Peter got what he had really come to the funeral for as soon as James had sat down beside him.


End file.
